💜🦋Question
Hello beautiful people.
Today, I want to be a little transparent. Not because I have all the answers, but because I have some questions.
The other day, while watching Reasonable Doubt, I heard Beyoncé’s song Save the Hero for the first time.
Something about that song sat with me.
Not just the words, but the question behind them.
Who saves the hero?
Who shows up for the person who is always showing up for everybody else?
Who recognizes the pain behind the smile, the exhaustion behind the accomplishments, and the tears behind the words, “I’m okay”?
As the oldest child, I learned responsibility before I understood what it meant to simply be a child. Somewhere along the way, being strong became my identity.
When strength becomes your identity, people sometimes forget that you’re human.
They see what you carry, but not what it’s costing you.
They see you encouraging others, but don’t always recognize when you need encouragement.
They see you praying for everybody else, but who is praying for you?
I’ve experienced loss and still found myself comforting others. I’ve put my own pain in a box because there were people who needed me to be present for theirs.
Somewhere in all of that, I wonder how many times I needed saving but never said a word.
Possibly worse, how many times did I say something, and nobody really heard me?
Have you ever felt like you were standing in the middle of a forest screaming, but nobody could hear you?
and then you begin to wonder…
Is anybody listening?
Does anybody see me?
Would anybody notice if I stopped showing up?
Question have I become so good at being strong that people no longer believe I could be struggling?
That’s a lonely place to be.
Here’s something else I’ve been wrestling with.
Sometimes we teach people how to depend on us without ever teaching them how to care for us.
We say, “I got it.”
We say, “Don’t worry about me.”
We say, “I’m good.”
Maybe sometimes we’re not telling the truth. Maybe we’re hoping somebody will look beyond those words and recognize that we’re not okay.
But what happens when nobody does?
What happens when the one everybody calls doesn’t know who to call?
I know what the church answer is.
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. — Psalm 46:1
I believe that with everything in me.
But can we be transparent for a moment?
Sometimes you want God to send somebody with skin on.
Somebody you can touch.
Somebody who doesn’t need you to explain why you’re tired.
Somebody who says, “I know you’re strong, but you don’t have to be strong with me.”
Somebody who recognizes that the person who pours into everybody else needs to be poured into, too.
maybe that’s the part we don’t talk about enough.
Being needed is not the same as being nurtured. Being appreciated is not the same as being supported and being surrounded by people does not mean you aren’t lonely.
I don’t want to stop loving people.
I don’t want to become cold.
I don’t want the things I’ve experienced to harden my heart.
But I am learning that I cannot keep confusing my ability to endure with my obligation to endure everything.
I am allowed to need.
I am allowed to cry.
I am allowed to say I’m not okay without feeling like I’ve disappointed somebody.
I am allowed to wonder who is going to show up for me.
Maybe the first step isn’t waiting until somebody notices I’m drowning.
Maybe it’s finding the courage to say, “I need help,” without feeling ashamed.
Maybe it’s also learning to recognize the difference between people who love what I do for them and people who genuinely love me.
I don’t have all the answers this morning.
I’m still sitting with the question.
Who saves the hero?
Because sometimes the hero doesn’t need another assignment, another responsibility, or another person telling her how strong she is.
Sometimes she just needs somebody to recognize that she’s tired.
Sometimes she needs to be seen.
Sometimes she needs to be held.
Sometimes she needs somebody to show up without needing anything from her.
💜 Heart Check:
Have you become so accustomed to being everybody’s strong one that you’ve forgotten how to ask for help?
For those of us who have a strong person in our lives, here’s another question:
When was the last time you checked on them without asking them for anything?
Let’s talk about it. Because I believe there are more people silently asking, “Who is going to save me?” than we realize.
Perhaps somebody reading this today needs to know they’re not the only one.
🦋 God loves you, and I do too!
Minister D 💜🦋